


we'll do the best we know and make our garden grow

by lostin_space



Series: Wheel Of Crack Wednesday [20]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Demiromanticism, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Growth, Kyle Valenti Appreciation, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21627604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Liz finally has to cope with losing the love of her life and Kyle is there every step of the way.-Kyle Valenti week day 5: hero/kyle saves the day
Relationships: Liz Ortecho/Kyle Valenti
Series: Wheel Of Crack Wednesday [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1549672
Comments: 13
Kudos: 21





	we'll do the best we know and make our garden grow

**Author's Note:**

> This feels like one in particular that if there are any tags you think I should have, definitely let me know in the comments. Of course all of my fics are like that, but this feels like I have a bigger error possibility. Hope you enjoy!

“I think I’ve lost hope.”

Kyle opened the door to Liz looking hollow. He welcomed her inside and she moved like a zombie all the way until she collapsed on his couch. He sat on the coffee table.

“I have tried literally everything to bring him back, nothing worked. I’ve run out of ideas. The only thing left is if I force Michael and Isobel to kill themselves and I’m not even sure that would work,” Liz admitted. Her voice was dull and so unlike herself that it made Kyle feel cold.

“I’m sorry, Liz. I wish there was something I could do,” he offered softly.

“I just… I’m so angry at him. I can’t believe he did this,” she said, her voice cracking just a little bit. Then, as she continued, it was no longer dull, it was just _pain_. “I spent ten years running from the way he made me feel and when I finally learned to grow up and enjoy the feeling, he leaves me. He just… Why the hell would he do that?”

“I don’t know what he was thinking, Liz, but I think he just wanted to give you your sister. I think he knew that you would never really be able to heal from losing her and he felt guilty,” Kyle tried. Empathizing with Max Evans wasn’t really something he liked doing, but he would do it for Liz.

“Did he not think about how I wouldn’t be able to heal from losing him?” she asked, her voice just a series of squeaks as she tried not to cry. Kyle sighed, pressing his lips together as he tried to think of how to help. He so desperately wanted to make it better.

But he couldn’t.

“Honestly, he probably didn’t,” Kyle admitted softly.

He watched as Liz curled up on his couch and just cried. He hadn’t actually seen her cry about losing Max. He’d seen her yell, he’d seen her panic, he’d seen her get so determined that it was scary, but he had never seen her cry. Now there wasn’t really much left to do.

But Kyle couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.

“Is there anything you need?” Kyle asked. There was nothing he could do to change it, but he could get Rosa or Maria or someone if she needed them. Or, hell, he could go get Michael. Or he could get her tea or something, anything to maybe make the wave of pain a little more bearable.

“Can you just lay with me for a while?” she whimpered out.

She didn’t need to ask twice.

Kyle did his best to climb onto the couch without squishing her, wrapping his arms around her and letting her nuzzle into his chest. He held her as she cried and stroked her hair and tried to just _be_. That’s all he could do.

-

“Put me down!”

“You almost took your shirt off in front of a bar full of assholes!”

Liz drunkenly slammed her fists against his back as he carried her out of the bar. He had gotten a call from Maria that he needed to come get Liz because she was drunk only to walk in to her dancing on a table with Maria freaking out behind the bar. Kyle had thankfully pulled her off just as she was lifting the hem of her shirt.

He put her down when he reached his car.

“I’m finally trying to have fun, you can’t just fucking drag me out! You don’t own me! Fuck you!” she yelled. He just shook his head.

“You’ll thank me in the morning,” he said softly. She shoved his chest so hard his back hit the car. He just took a deep breath.

“No! I’m trying to enjoy myself and you’re ruining my fun! I’m finally going out and you’re ruining it!”

“Liz,” Kyle said, “I want you to go out and have fun. I don’t want you getting so fucked up you do stuff like strip in front of strangers.”

“It’s my body! I can do what I want!”

“Yeah, and if I let you strip, you would regret it in the morning,” Kyle said, a little harsher than he meant to, “Liz, this isn’t you. Just let me take you home so you can sober up.”

“Why? What’s the point?” she demanded. Kyle furrowed his eyebrows. “Why should I sober up? Hell, why should I care about stripping in front of strangers? It doesn’t matter, I’m single now!”

Oh.

Kyle swallowed hard and then held out his hand. “C’mon.”

“What? No!”

“Liz. Come on.”

Liz glared at him for a while but eventually cooled enough to angrily get in the car and slam the door. They both stayed quiet as he drove and she only commented whenever she realized they weren’t driving home. She seemed to sober up as they pulled up to what could’ve easily been a random point in the desert. But it really, really wasn’t.

“Take me home.”

“No, I don’t think you want to go home.”

“Kyle, this isn’t funny.”

“No,” he said, turning to face her, “It’s really not. Liz, this is the fifth night this week you’ve gotten so drunk you could barely stand. I know that you’re grieving, but this isn’t okay. This isn’t the answer.”

Her eyes were locked on the cave in front of her, her bottom lip quivering just a little bit.

“I failed him.”

“You didn’t,” Kyle insisted, “You did your best until there was nothing left to do. I promise you that he doesn’t blame you. But you know as well as I do that, if he saw how you were coping, he would be heartbroken.”

“That’s not fair, you can’t use him against me like that,” she whispered. Kye sighed.

“I’m not trying to. I’m trying to help.”

“And bringing me to see my dead boyfriend is supposed to help?”

Kyle reached across the console to grab her hand, squeezing just enough to get her to look at him. She did and he gave her the kindest smile he could muster.

“I think talking to him rather than keeping it in your head will help, yeah,” he said and she took a shaky breath, “So go in there and talk. Talk to him like you talked to Rosa before she came back and like I talk to my dad when I’m down. Grief never ends or even dulls, Liz, but it does get a little easier to carry as time goes on. And I think the first step is talking to him rather than trying to drink to forget.”

“Okay,” she whispered. Kyle reached up to wipe a few tears off her cheek and gave an encouraging smile.

“Now go in there and talk to him.”

-

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Kyle tied off the braid he’d done in Liz’s hair after he’d helped her impulsively cut off over a foot of it. The little nub of a braid hardly reached the collar of her shirt, but the way she breathed like it was a weight off her shoulders made him feel like it was the best she’d ever looked.

“It looks good,” he said. She stood up and stretched, her hand running over the braid. She smiled when she realized how short it was.

“Max would hate it,” Liz noted. Kyle snorted, reaching down to pick up the towel that was covered in her hair. 

“Really? I think he’d like it, it suits you,” he complimented. She laughed softly.

“I guess so.”

“Makes you look adult.”

“I’m literally almost thirty.”

“Yeah, so it’s about time you look like an adult.”

Liz laughed harder this time, gently shoving his chest as he stood up straight. He just grinned at her and watched as she closed her eyes, breathing in slowly. She did that often now, something she did to ground herself and to remind herself that there was a life after Max Evans. He liked to think that she was cataloging every good moment in her mind for when she was sad and that he happened to be apart of those happy moments.

“Thank you,” she said, a little more serious than before, “I needed a change.”

“You’re welcome. I’m always here for your impulsive decisions.”

“You’re a good friend, Kyle.”

He smiled at her and took her words to heart. They were nice to hear.

“I try.”

-

“Do you think I’m ever going to find love again?”

Kyle raised an eyebrow at Liz as she strolled into his apartment like she owned the place. He hadn’t recalled giving her a key, but he didn’t put it past her to make one.

“I don’t see why not.”

“Well, Max was the only man I ever really loved or even really wanted to be with like that,” she said, then paused, “Do you think I’m demiromantic?”

“Definition?”

“Can only feel romantic attraction if you form a strong bond first,” she responded, “I feel like every other relationship I got into was because I felt like I needed a boyfriend or because I liked them sexually, and then the moment they wanted romantic boyfriend things I wasn’t into it. And then with Max, I had never felt like that before and it freaked me out. But what if that’s just how wanting someone romantically feels and I never knew? No offense to you when we dated.”

“None taken,” Kyle chuckled, glancing over at her as she hopped up onto the counter beside where he was washing vegetables to cook. It had been six months since they’d stopped trying to bring back Max and she was doing a whole lot better. It was nice. “If that’s what you feel like, then maybe so. I wouldn’t know because I’m not in your head. Only you can label yourself.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, swinging her legs, “I keep trying to think of another time I felt like that and it’s just not there. Like, the way he made me feel was the way they describe in books and movies‒things I pretty much consistently thought were bullshit until I got to know him.”

“They are definitely not bullshit,” he assured as he looked over to her once again. She pursed her lips and nodded.

“Yeah. So I think I am,” she decided. He just gave her a smile.

“Glad to know you’re figuring it out.”

“Do you think I’ll ever find that again?” Liz asked him earnestly. He stared at her and some stupid, horrible part of him wanted to scream ‘ _God_ _ , I hope so’ _ . He pushed it back down from wherever it came.

“I don’t know, Liz,” he answered honestly, “But I hope regardless of what happens that you’re happy.”

She smiled at him and reached out for his hand for a moment, squeezing it tightly before she let go.

“Me too.”

-

“I feel weird around you.”

“Yikes.”

"No," Liz laughed. Kyle laughed with her, silently basking in the way she gripping his arm. "I mean, like, I feel like…" 

She trailed off and just stared at him with that sweet little smile. Her hair was long enough to reach her shoulders again, waving a little more than it did usually. She looked fucking stunning.

"Like what?" he prodded gently. He wanted to know.

"I don't know, like a teenage girl in a YA novel?" Liz said, her cheeks turning red as she let go of him and moved around a bit to make her a little less awkward. "I don't know how to describe it. It's weird. I didn't feel like this with… or when…"

Kyle's heart all but exploded as she dropped her face into her hands.

"Elizabeth Ortecho, do you have a crush on me?"

"Shut up!" she laughed, swatting his arm. He was beaming and damn near pulsing with excitement.

One year and ten months of spending be damn near every day together and healing together had earned him a gift he hadn't expected.

"I shouldn't… It's too soon, but I…" Liz said, folding her lips in for a moment. He just smiled at her, letting her find her words. God, this was the best day of his life. "I knew I felt weird lately, but I didn't really know until just now. You looked at me with your stupid eyes and I just… You don't even like me, I'm being stupid."

"No, wait, stop, yes I do," Kyle rushed out so quickly that she laughed again, "Seriously, I like you, but I get it if it's too soon."

Liz licked her lips and stared at him for a long while. 

"This isn't like I felt for Max. It's different. I don't feel like I'm jumping off a cliff so much as I feel like I'm remembering how to breathe. Both things are super overwhelming and exhilarating, just… different," she explained.

"I don't think it should feel the same," Kyle assured her even though he wanted to go jumping from the rooftops screaming _'she loves me'_. "Don't feel bad about that." 

"Could we go, like, really slow? Like snail slow?" she requested. Kyle laughed softly and nodded. He felt blessed. 

"Absolutely."

-

"I spent too long before tonight thinking if Max would be angry at me. But I think he would really just want me to be happy, even if it is with you. And you make me happy."

Kyle breathed in deep as he kept his face pressed into Liz's neck. Two months of testing out dating again had finally gotten to where she had kissed him more than just a little peck on the lips. They had made out in the car like teenagers before they drove home and kissed in bed. Liz had slowed the kisses to a stop and now they were just cuddling in bed in the dark. Kyle was on cloud nine.

"You make me happy," he agreed softly, fiddling with the ends of her hair.

"I think I love you," she said, "Is that alright?"

"I love you too," he said honestly. He didn't say that he had loved her for a long time–he was pretty sure she knew.

"Do you think he'd be mad at me? Be honest," she asked. Kyle reluctantly pulled away and looked at her in the eyes.

“I can’t speak for what Max would feel. All I know is that he would be insanely proud of you for being strong through losing him because you and I both know that’s all he would want,” Kyle said. Her eyes closed, tilting her head back into the pillow. “And yeah he probably wouldn’t like that it was me because he hates me, but I’m sure he’d want you to be happy. I’m pretty sure all he wanted was for you to be happy and safe.”

“I still miss him,” she said honestly. For some reason, it didn’t hurt. He wasn’t jealous. He just understood. He still missed his dad every goddamn day. “I think I’m going to love him forever.”

“And that’s okay. I don’t expect you to ever stop loving him.”

“Thank you,” Liz said, shifting to look at him again, “Seriously, I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through any of this without you.”

“What are friends for?”

Liz gave him a smile that would probably rival the sun and she moved in for a kiss, easing his head back down. Kyle felt at home and he felt safe and he felt happy.

Everything would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


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